The problem with instant gratification

I believe all life experiences teach us. Everything that happens to me is good. The human world challenges this perspective. Yet I persist. Why?

Only humans view things as “good” or “bad”. All other living things deal with shit only when they must making no judgment. Humans have this ability. Somehow though we forget, caught in “past” and “future” - concepts, not realities, that exist in our heads. In the forgetting we suffer.

So it is with desire.

I would love to enjoy constant companionship of a transwoman. That desire has been with me for at least 10 years. I’ve literally travelled around the world looking for a transwoman I could call my partner. Plenty of stories to share there. At every turn, that desire has been thwarted, leaving me empty.

Perhaps you have this experience, this feeling of emptiness. For you it may be not finding a person who could love you for who you are (and for who you’re not). Maybe you do have a partner, but some other aspect of your life - your appearance, a certain procedure you’d like, but can’t afford right now - leaves you incomplete, empty or simply wanting more.

Our world inspires this thing called desire.

What is its purpose? Especially desires which remain just out of reach? If there is no bad, then desire instructs us somehow. Desire in extreme can lead to destructive and self-destructive outcomes: choosing the wrong person, mistaking lust or infatuation for love, seeking casual sex are examples. But. If there is no bad, are these truly mistakes? Perhaps desire’s goal is to lead us down these destructive paths towards rock bottom. From there we learn the lesson. Or, we repeat the process until we do.

Technology allows nearly instant gratification. Instant gratification spurs even more desire. Suddenly, we can’t wait for anything. In human civilizations, we forget nature’s pace: gradual, gentle, soft but generous, slow.

Instant gratification runs contrary to nature. Give it up, nurture delayed gratification and you gradually (remember, it’s natural), slowly discover a peace within yourself and with the world. Old people know this. It is one reason for the saying “youth is wasted on the young”.

A caterpillar, budding fern, gosling, even infant humans….none of these expressions of nature toil and sweat over the future, dissatisfied with who or what they are in the moment. Each one, eventually, becomes something beautiful. Yes, even a trans person. I’m writing about beauty that is beyond skin deep.

A major challenge with returning to nature and its timing is the idea/belief that we only live this one life. If that is the case, our haste may be justified. When I study and observe the world around me, I find little evidence for that assertion...

Huge opportunity is the lesson learned called letting go of instant gratification. Especially regarding who you’re becoming. As the Rolling Stones put it, you can’t always get what you want, but you get what you need. In that, life is beautiful. Including instant gratification.